I may have just hit a new low, aside from cheating while in a relationship, using people just to pass time and of course my favorite leading people on, I have done the one thing I didn't think I would, I am involved with a married man. Yes, I have somehow manage to take a good man who loves his girls and family and never once thought about betraying his marriage, betray it. It started as a simple work crush knowing damn well nothing would ever happen, or so I though. As luck would have it the feelings were mutual and rather than putting distance between us I wanted to get closer, I wanted to tempt him because of course I'm a horrible person. Slowly but surely little comments were being made, things that once seemed innocent had now felt like the biggest form of betrayal, now only for his wife and daughters but also for Drew. As much as I can complain about him, as difficult our situation is and now matter how much I can't stand the lack of planning  I still love him. I love him completely and that is something that may never go away, how could it if I feel utterly safe in his arms, I don't feel out of place, he is my home.  As much as I want to say that I won't continue to pursue the married man that is a lie because right now all I want is to feel wanted to feel like I matter to someone I want to feel like I have value. So is it wrong that I'm seeking attention from someone who shouldn't be giving me any? How wrong is it that he is getting a divorce, not because of me but because he's unhappy and I gave him a reason to believe he could be happy again. As much as I want to reciprocate feelings for him I find it difficult, how can I if I will never completely let go of Drew, that door will remain open until forever. I'm not saying I don't have feelings for the married man, I do, he's sweet and caring, and quiet possibly everything a woman would want in a man, so why am I finding excuses to not continue, why do I force myself not to feel, I'm keeping my distance and I don't know why. I mean I do know why I stay away, he's married, with two beautiful little girls who have done nothing wrong. I did think for a split second that there was some possibility for us, that by some crazy chain of events, we had a chance. Was I wrong? Completely. Was I hurt? Most definitely. Did I deserve it? Probably. I am in no way trying to justify my actions, I did wrong in getting physically involved but the kisses and the hugs weren't what hurt the most. It was getting to know me and taking an interest then disappearing. I have an awful fear of abandonment, and I knew the moment I closed the door to his car it was over. The storm that night wasn't the only thing causing damage.